Enjoy.

A THIRD lesson In doMESStication. "Its 2010, EVERYONE IS SUSPECT" -(qoute from Kristen Kilpatrick)

by Henry Emmanuel Abuto on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 at 9:16pm

My Readers,(from here on out you all will be referred to as "babies") Forgive me for taking this long to write another Lesson. Today's lesson is a very serious topic and thus it required a lot of investigative work. I, along with my fellow investigators,(Matthew Slayter, Cynthia Taiwo, Amanda Williams, Holly Babb and Annie Weiss) have conducted both filed and lab research over the past year to collect evidence. We were SHOCKED by the results. Shocked is actually putting it mildly. Due to the shock, we decided that 2010 could only be aptly deemed THE YEAR OF THE SUSPECT. Yes people, SUSPECT is the topic of this third Lesson. I will present you with definitions, a brief history, provide supporting evidence,  and let you know about the JUSTICE SYSTEM that we put these "suspects" through. (Known as the ATS system. (Abuto, Taiwo, Slayter). Because I am writing this as a future lawyer, I will do my best to present legal facts that would hold up in a court of law. I do not want to be sued for defamation of character(Libel and Slander aka lies) so every example I present will be TRUE. As Investigators, we also can't name real names. If you recognize yourself or someone else, tough shit. Grab a drink or a snack. Lets begin by defining exactly what SUSPECT is. 

1)Wikipedia defines suspect as "In the parlance of criminal justice, a suspect is a known person suspected of committing a crime...Under the judicial systems of the U.S., once a decision is approved to arrest a suspect, or bind him over for trial, either by a prosecutor issuing an information, a grand jury issuing a true bill or indictment, or a judge issuing an arrest warrant, the suspect can then be properly called a defendant, or the accused. Only after being convicted is the suspect properly called the perpetrator.

2)Websters definition-to believe to be guilty, false, counterfeit, undesirable,defective, bad, etc.

3)and now my favorite definition that probably pertains the most to this Lesson. From Urban Dictionary-"The word "suspect" is meant to suggest that somone is believed to be below par. They are hiding something or are believed to have a serious character flaw which makes them undesirible as a friend or acqaintence. In some areas it is primarily used to describe a feminine man or a man who is not feminine but suspected of homosexuality or other sexual deviances. Most commonly used to denote suspected homosexual tendencies." ALSO "person who's sexual preference is questionable -GIVES OTHERS REASONS TO BE SUSICIOUS of his/her heterosexuality - gives off homosexual vibes and displays characteristics common to the homosexual community.

4-when Me and my friends use this term, we use it in close conjunction with #3. use it in a sentence. "I don't know who the hell he think he fooling, EVERYBODY know he is SUSPECT as a mofo"

   Before 2010, it was hard to define someone as suspect and it was hard to gather the necessary evidence. That is because before 2010, even if an individual was suspect, they kept those suspect tendencies to themselves and covered their tracks WELL. (Trust me i used to be a suspect.) In those days, it was rare to move someone from a suspect to a convict because there was little evidence. However, the end of the first decade in the new Millennium brought with it a new breed of suspects. LET ME TELL YALL, these NEWBIES have NO DAMN SHAME. at all. they left that behind a long time ago. This group is all about having their cake and eating it too. I of all people understand what its like to not be ready to take that next big step. But damn, if you are not ready, then don't be partaking in things that only "ready" people do. And then when they get called out, they wanna get mad. Bitch get mad at yourself.( refer to my first lesson for this. "if you don't want people to talk about you, don't give them things to talk about") 

 The Justice System- If we think a person is guilty of something(falsifying sexuality, perpetrating, pretending to be someone/something you're not) we start the proceedings. Back in the day, we wouldn't move past the suspect phase.  but this is 2010.  If the person keeps acting suspicious, we then start gathering evidence. this phase is probably the hardest and most extensive part of the ATS system. Evidence can include but not limited to, Pictures, first hand accounts, second hand accounts(not too reliable at times) texts, emails, and most importantly eye witness accounts. If we have sufficient evidence, we gather a jury. we then proceed to trial. At trial, the defense and the Prosecution(us) present their cases. (we have a 95% conviction rate). After this, we schedule a sentencing hearing. The Judge and Jury can find you guilty in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd degrees. Depending on the degree of guilt, we can hand down a sentencing as light as probation to severe as life without parole in solitary confinement. Now you might be thinking, "this is all great Henry but can you give us actual examples of suspects and verdicts reached?" The answer is yes my Babies, I am about to give examples. Some of yall might want to stop reading and some of yall might seriously want to get a pen and paper.

Case #1-If you make out with 8+ guys in a SINGLE NIGHT at a party, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If you proceed to carry a "secret relationship" (i use the word relationship LOOSELY) with a guy, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If you go on dates and have special days with a guy, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If you call yourself "omnisexual, YOU ARE SUSPECT. (WTF does that even mean?) This one could go on and on but it would get too specific.(Guilty in the FIRST DEGREE)

Case #2-If you exchange TEXT messages with a guy telling him what you want to learn, YOU ARE SUSPECT. how fucking stupid do you have to be? TEXT MESSAGES?? THATS THE EASIEST FORM OF EVIDENCE. you'd be better off sending smoke signals. If you break up with your gf two days after hooking up with a guy, then get back together with her 3days later, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If everyone at a table is reading these texts and you're pretending to not realize, You're not even suspect, you're just plain stupid. if you call a guy 5X between 3-5am, (after he left your apartment) YOU ARE SUSPECT.(HOT ASS MESS.)

Case 3#-This one is just something else. I love it when straight guys have "ready" friends. infact most of my best and closest friends are straight. HOWEVER IF YOU CHOSE TO ONLY SURROUND yourself with gay men and you are not a fat woman or a lesbian, You my friend, ARE SUSPECT. if you claiming to be straight but I SEE you holding hands under the table with a guy at Starbucks during dead week, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If you start treating this person as if they're your man but you won't give them a title and just keep leading them on, YOU ARE SUSPECT.(See note#1 for more on that) (GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY)

Case#4-If you and your girlfriend are at someone's garage apartment and you keep talking about things you wanna do to the male organ, YOU ARE SUSPECT. shit he got convicted in five minutes. (On a side note, if said girlfriend isnt worried about you hitting on two gay men, take that as a warning. she may or may not allegedly be cheating on you with a 15yr old boy.) (2yrs and early release depending on good behavior)

Case #5-THIS ONE GETS THE HOT MESS AWARD OF THE YEAR and was the one that CAUSED SHOCK AMONG EVERYONE. If you make out with a guy, you are suspect. if you put his hand on your junk, you are suspect. if you bring your own supplies with the intention of seducing a guy, YOU ARE SUSPECT. if you then proceed to stay holed up in a house for three days and give the business every night, YOU ARE SUSPECT. if you're getting blasted on university websites, YOU ARE SUSPECT. If you ask a guy to date you but still walk around bragging about how many women you've conquered, YOU ARE SUSPECT. if you have relations with a guy for three months on and off, YOU ARE SUSPECT. (LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE. SOLITARY CONFINEMENT)

Case #6-If you are on a school trip and get drunk and end up ON VIDEO saying about how you want to perform certain acts on a male organ, YOU ARE SUSPECT. (GUILTY in the 2nd degree)

Case #7-If everytime your girlfriend goes out of town and you immediately call a guy so you can stay at his house "cuz you don't wanna be alone" YOU ARE SUSPECT.(hhmmm..dunno)

Case#8-If you let a guy perform on you, you are HALFWAY suspect. (Cat you know who I'm calling out) (case dismissed)

case #9-IF YOU CONTINUOUSLY and AGGRESSIVELY ask gay men about how "it works" YOU ARE SUSPECT. knowledge is power but knowledge is also called doing research.(Waiting trial)

I think those cases are ample enough to provide evidence of suspect behavior. With this new breed, some might just not care anymore about what or who they do. we throw those cases out. not worth our efforts. Others have brief moments of suspect so we just patiently wait for an opportunity to gather evidence.

  Now how does this pertain to domestication? Let me tell you. THIS NEW BREED OF MOTHERFUCKERS ARE MEAN. How? they are palying with peoples emotions,feelings and dragging people down with them. When they're about to be found guilty, they start spreading lies to cover their tracks. WELL THIS STOPS NOW. I will NEVER EVER out someone or officially declare someone something until they tell me themselves but this is getting ridiculous. Some of them have girlfriends and are hurting them too. Girls, be extra careful for warning signs. take a step back and put them through your justice system. The worst part about these suspects is that they're also guilty of stealingyourman.com. THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME SEVERAL times. well they're tried but like Beyonce told me, "ring the alarm!) I refuse to be a victim of that website. If you're not ready to be "ready", thats fine. take your time but stop taking people along on the ride of your aggressive hot ass mess life. 

To anyone who has suspect tendencies. * Here are some words of encouragement. "people who mind don't matter and people who matter won't mind." ITS THAT SIMPLE. Like the goo goo dolls said "JUST BE WHO YOU ARE". Those other people are just ignorant people who are too insecure. don't let them stop you from being your best you. Don't mean to get all PBS afterschool special on yall but come on. STOP PLAYING GAMES. 2010 is over and we are changing the rules in 2011. Domesticate yourself or WE WILL domesticate for you and hoes, it ain't gonna be pretty. 

Hope you all had a merry Christmas and raise your glass to a happy new year. 

Love,

Henry Abuto, Matthew Slayter and Cynthia Taiwo.

Special thanks to Amanda Williams and Holly Babb.

 · Comment · Share

• Richard Nelson likes this.
• • 

    Matt 'tobes' Tobey o man henry, just o man

    18 hours ago ·  ·  1 person
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    Amanda Danielle Williams OH MY GOD. OHMYGOD. I love you!!!!

    18 hours ago via Facebook Mobile · 
  • 

    Matt Slayter PREACH.

    18 hours ago · 
  • 

    Richard Nelson every time i read one of your lessons, it makes my day. this is fantastic.

    18 hours ago · 
  • 

    Henry Emmanuel Abuto Ha Tobes you know I've always called people out. Amanda-Girl did you think all the evidence we gathered at 1532 B was gonna sit in storage? We worked HARD to gather. you know #8 and #5 have the same first and middle name. JUST dawned on me. Slayter-we did good! Richard-I'm glad I make your day haha

    17 hours ago · 
  • 

    Amber Stafford sounds like one of your friends I met meets a lot of those "cases"

    16 hours ago · 
  • 

    Amanda Danielle Williams 

    Honeychild. God bless 1532B and the SUSPECTS who occupate it now and next-door.
    CASE #9: girls kissing girls isn't cute. If you brought roadkill home to your mom and dad, they would slap you. Girls who makeout/do stuff with a girl for attent...See More

    16 hours ago via Facebook Mobile · 
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    Holly Babb Henry--this may be the best one yet. I'm looking forward to the next one already. I knew who u were talking about in almost ALL of these. Omg! Omg!!! Love u!!!!

    16 hours ago via Facebook Mobile · 
  • 

    Henry Emmanuel Abuto Amanda, judge, prosecutor and Jury all in one!
    Holly-Thanks girl! Ha next one is coming New years day for things people should leave in 2010 and not carry into new years.

    16 hours ago · 
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    Rani Watters TEXAS TECH IS UNDERCOVER BROTHER CAPITAL. I'm glad you said something but I GOTSTA GET THIS OFF MY CHEST cuz its getting real down here...if you pose for the camera now *flick* *flick* harder than me in the club...YOUR SUSPECT. AND if you stick you lips out and put up the peace sign in more than one of your profile picks..YOUR SUSPECT. "Its not lipgloss its carmex"- SUSPECT. If I ask you what yo homeboy look like and your response is he cute you would like him...and your a guy...YOUR SUSPECT.

    16 hours ago · 

This one actually is about London! (kinda?)

Lots to talk about! You guys haven't really gotten an update about London in a while, so here ya go.

First thing's first: I COME HOME IN 4 DAYS. Of course its bitter sweet, but I'm crazy excited to come home and see everyone.

I guess I never told you guys about my trip to Oxford? Well, Laura and I took a trip to Oxford, which was tons of fun, and cheap! We went to ChristChurch, which is one of the main colleges at Oxford, AND is where scenes from Harry Potter have been shot? Did Laura and I take funny pictures? Of course we did. Please refer to Facebook for further information. Afterwards, we just kinda wandered around the town. Great day.

Today has been a WONDERFUL day. I woke up, and got to say goodbye to someone who has been a lot of fun, and really good for me while I've been here. They really helped me realize that its OK that I don't have a gameplan set in stone for my career, and that If I try hard enough, I really can do everything that I want to do. Goodbye friend. Its been a blast.

From there, I got a cup of coffee (sidenote: last time I got a cup of coffee from this place, the bottom FELL OUT of the cup, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. Thankfully, that didn't happen this time), and then had the privileged of being a part of a staged reading for a few friends. See, whilst I've been here, I've made a bunch of friends from another program who all live in my building. A few of the kids were taking a playwriting class, and they asked me to read for a character in the reading of their play! It was great to be able to act again, even if it was just a reading that only a few people saw. Lots and lots of fun. Thanks to everyone who let me work with them!

Upon arriving home after the reading, I was greeted with a wonderful email informing me that my roommates for next semester found a great apartment for us! We'll be living in the Orion at Oak Hill complex off Hulen (just across the road from the Villas), and I couldn't be more excited. Trip to IKEA??? I THINK SO.

Lunch, paper writing, and then while on the phone with my mom, I looked at some finance stuff involving student loans, blah blah blah. Long story short, everything is going to work out just fine money-wise next semester. I'll have plenty of money for rent, and even some furniture! See? What did I tell you? Things do work out. You just have to have a positive attitude and a little bit of faith. :D

Tonight, Laura and I decided to go see Burlesque at the cinema right by us because they have really cheap student tickets. Oh man.... so many things to say about that movie. All of the visual stuff about the movie... the costumes, the choreography, and the lighting were all fantastic. In fact, all of the musical numbers in general were great! (Can we talk about the Christina/Marilyn Manson mashup? Brilliant). However... the script? Awful. The acting? Apart from Stanley Tucci at at times Cher, Terrible. And what's with Alan Cumming randomly popping in and out? Its fun to watch... but definitely not Golden Globe worthy.

Came back to the dorm, and a bunch of the girls from my hall were watching Mean Girls (In my top 5 favorite movies). I did a little happy dance (you should ask some of them about it) and plopped down to watch.

Oh, and did I mention that it looked like a snow globe up here today?

Papers are almost done. Christmas gifts are almost all bought. Goodbyes are being said.... Its time to go home. So prepare yourself Texas, because things have been FAR too calm since I left. ;)

Eff Fear. Holiday cheer!

It's slightly ludicrous, the amount of things that an average person is expected to deal with in his/her life. Love, death, money, school, having a job, supporting yourself, and supporting other people, just to name a few. Oh, and you're expected to be happy too, while trying to juggle all of these things. Life is at least nice in the sense that it doesn't throw all of these things at you at once. It stacks them, more or less neatly in your hands one at a time, so that you seemingly don't notice the imminent overload, when you can't hold anymore.

Lately, overload has definitely been setting in. I'm feeling the stress of having to write final essays, 3 of which are worth 50% of my grade in their respective classes. I'm feeling the stress of money. I currently have $0.83 in my bank account, 2ish pounds in cash (most of which in .05pound coins), and $93 left on my credit limit. When I get back to the states, I'll be needing to pay off my credit card bill, pay rent (FOR MY NEW APARTMENT YAY!!!!), take 18 hours of class, design costumes for a show, hopefully be in a show, start an honors project, and hold a steady job that somehow accommodates my schedule....

....right....

And as stressed as I am about all of this... I know its all going to be ok and work out in the end.

How do I know this? well... I don't. What I do know is that I have amazing parents that even in their hard times will do whatever they can to help me out. I know that I have friends that will be there when I feel like I'm about to pull my hair out. And I know that God is going to help me see it through.

There was a suicide bomber in Stockholm recently. 

We still haven't repealed "Don't Ask Don't Tell" (although we're making progress) or allowed Gay Marriage.

Westboro Baptist Church is still picketing funerals

People are starving all over the world

People are trying to scare others into believing in God and "preaching at them"

There is an HIV epidemic in Africa.

...But we're gonna get through it as best we can.

Yes, we have to do as much as we can to help all of these situations and others that are happening around the world... but in the short term... what's the use in worrying?

Shit is gonna happen. It just is. And we're not getting anywhere by worrying about it. And that applies just as much to my bank account as it does to terrorist attacks. 

So in the meantime... put on a smile. Its Christmas for God's sake! Throw on your favorite tunes and rock out. Dance 'till you're thighs hurt. Throw parties. Have fun, spread God's love through your actions, and STOP WORRYING SO DAMN MUCH. 

Everything is going to be fine. I promise. :D

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

London Boredom

London Boredom is slightly different than regular boredom. See, when you are bored, you usually still have a plethora of items to devote your attention to. TV, videogames, the internet... or God forbid, your homework. Yet in London, boredom works a bit differently. TV? Nope. We have one TV in the floor's lounge, but there are always people in there. Videogames? Only if you count what I have on my iphone, the majority of which I have played ad nauseum. Internet? Hahahaha, nope. It takes about 30 minutes load a 5 minute music video. Thats how bad the internet is here. So here I am... In my room... with nothing to do.

"But Matt! You're in London! Surely there are things to do in the city!"

Ah, a valid point my friend! However, in London, once the sun goes down, you're slightly limited in your choice of activities. Options generally include: A pub, a club, a movie, or a show, all of which cost money. Money that, unfortunately, I don't have.

Now most nights, London Boredom isn't an issue. When I do have money, I'll go out to a show or spend the night on the town. But usually once or twice a week, London Boredom sets in, and its enough to drive a person nuts.

I've read more books for pleasure since being here than ever before.

I've whipped through 3 seasons of Weeds in a very short amount of time.

I've stumbled upon. And stumbled upon. And stumbled upon.

In short: I'm ready to be busy again. A job. A show. A library to go to to do homework that is open 24/7 with a coffee shop that isn't 45 minutes away. The gym. Friends with a space to hang out in. ANYTHING.

I mean really, you can only play water pong so many times before its just no fun anymore.

A lot of people would use this time to write their final papers for class, but I've known for a very long time that unless i'm at the library with a cup of coffee, I can't do school work at night. I don't know why, but if I try to do school work in my room, I am extremely unproductive. But if I go to the library, I can get tons of stuff done! Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, my school's library is A) only open until 11pm during the week and 6pm on the weekends, B) 45 minutes away, and C) until recently didn't have a coffee shop. LAME. The other time of day that I'm really productive is during the morning and the day. I love getting up early to work on assignments. For whatever reason, I get so much more done in the morning than I do at night! Weird, I know.

Also, I'm real tired of being broke. And this exchange rate is killing me. Every time I spend 60 pounds (and they spend the pound like we spend the dollar), I'm actually spending $100. Not cool. I need an income. BAD. So if anyone's hiring when I get back home, please let me know.

16 days until I jet outta here. And besides the boredom and being constantly broke, I'm gonna miss it.

This isn't about London. In fact, I didn't even write it.

A very good friend of mine just posted this on facebook, and I thought I'd share. Its informative AND entertaining! You may not understand all of the terms... but thats ok. Enjoy!

A Lesson in Domestication!

Okay Enough is enough. I don't know what is going on with people lately but people are acting so brand new when it comes to their personal relationships, friendships and their own habits. People(myself included) are acting so BASIC and its gotten to the point where I just can't take it anymore. Like Moses, I feel like I've been Chosen to lead us out of Egypt and into the promise land of Domestication Nation! If you think you're not gonna like what I have to say, simply click on that arrow in the top left corner and it'll boot you from this page. I'm calling people out. ( I won't say no names cuz Destiny's child taught us in 2001 not to diss ppl on the internet...For more details listen to the hit single "Survivor") Don't worry, I'll be calling myself out too cuz we all know I'm a hot damn mess.

FIRST- If you're constantly having to guess, or draw pie charts and bar graphs to come to a conclusion about how that person feels about you, let me give you the simplest conclusion. They probably DON'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR YOU OR ABOUT YOU. atleast not substantial enough to let you know. TRUST ME, if someone likes you, they'll let you know. you won't need sherlock holmes to solve the mystery.SECOND-After you realize the person doesn't feel for you, don't try to force it. like Jo Dee Messina said, "I got pride and I'm taking it for a ride." (See her smash single "Bye Bye") Honeychild TAKE your pride, pat your weaves and PRETTY GIRL DIP out of that situation. It might hurt (it will) but again, TRUST me on this. you don't want to end up in a 14MONTH guessing game thats nothing but a confusing SITUATION. This brings me to my THIRD point.

If someone won't give you a TITLE, BOOT THEM!! (for example, if you own your vehicle, The DPS vehicle registration gives you a TITLE of the car with YOUR NAME on it.) If the person won't give you a title, BOOT!! Whatever their reasons are for not giving you one, they're not valid reasons. Those are what I call sorry ass excuses given by sorry ass people. TRUST TRUST TRUST me on this point the most. Straight, gay, black, white, purple, orange, male, female, one simple rule applies to all. IF SOMEONE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, THEN THEY'LL GIVE YOU A TITLE. No excuses. be firm on this from the get go.  it might make you seem a tad aggressive but atleast you won't be visiting this site. (www.thatshowyougetyourfeelingshurt.com) If you're dumb enough to not be clear on this from the get go, then you can only blame yourself. the only "title" you will get is a sideline ho, a jumpoff or at the best, a basic dip. This is like the same as getting a rental car. while it might satisfy you for a period of time, know that it doesnt belong to you. you're gonna have to return it soon and someone else will be there waiting to rent it out too.  now lets move on to individual behaviors.

TEXTING- we all CONSTANTLY have our phones on or around our person. If someone texts you, IT IS RUDE to make someone wait extensively long for a response. (The author wants you to know that at this point, he had to go downstairs to make a rum and pineapple  in order to not blast people for their texting habits). I understand we gotta play the game so spacing out a reply is okay but only to a certain point. you dont want to seem too available, but make sure you don't end up seeming like a rude bitch who thinks they're too good to respond to someone. If its just in the context of a friendship then its downright stupid to not respond. reply to your friends people, don't lie. you ain't doing nothing. (Jasmine don't call me a hypocrite I'm super lazy and forgetful you know I've been working on it!)

This next part about texting is CRUCIAL people. PLEASE don't make them Doctoral Dissertations. YOU ARE NOT writing an English Lit paper. It is so aggressive when you open up a message and suddenly find yourself wishing that your wireless service provider offered cliff notes for the messages you just received. you are not John Steinbeck or Jane Austen.  NO ONE wants to read the Grapes of Wrath and even fewer people want to read Pride and Prejudice.

This brings me to my next point. Why do people aggressively feel the need to put their business out there? then they get mad when ppl talk about them. Ask anyone who knew me fall 08, spring 09 and fall 09. Yall my business was OUT THERE. And I was the one putting it out there by hot twatting and acting aggressively. When 2010 rolled around, I had a really good discussion with Cynthia and she told me the best way to get ppl not to talk about you is by not giving them anything to talk about. I mean I'm doing aggressive activities that clear out a garage (see cynthia's camera/nikki favor's 2009 birthday) and I wanna get mad when I get talked about. thats stupid. So I stopped hot twatting, stopped acting aggressively in public and just domesticated myself. how often do you now here OTHER ppl telling yall about me? exactly, anything that you hear, its usually coming from ME cuz now I am in control of what I put out there. And people in relationships, DON'T air your dirty laundry aggressively on fb with updates and status changes. thats how ppl get irritated with you and block you and your significant other. as I was thinking about this  in class earlier, it dawned on me that XXXXXXX and XXXXXXX are actually a perfect example of a couple who does their "laundry properly". They're not perfect so I'm sure they argue but they take care of that ish in the privacy of their place of residence, not on the world wide web. and, they call others for advice and move on in a very civilized manner. so XXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXX, even though yall are aggressively cupcaking, good for yall for properly using the correct washer and dryer!!

FRIENDS and your relationships,

we all know that some of our friends and our significant others dont need to mix. I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping a healthy distance with them. now, don't hide and be all suspect but just watch it. they could end up bringing drama to your relationship or worse, STEALING YOUR PERSON. the following is from my website www.thatshowyougetyourman/womanstole.com

You know we all got some hoeish friends or just people in your life you shouldn't leave your significant other around. They are alright people, but they'll throw your ass under the bus and take your man/woman from you and if you're not careful you won't see it coming! If this person constantly asks about your man/woman and only wants to hang out with you when you're with your significant other, take this as a warning! If they're more worried about who you're dating, thats a red flag.Example. I was seeing someone fall 08. my friend and that person started hanging out. Long story short they both left and now  live on a different continent together.

Friendships- It is important to have the right friends. those are the one's that will tell you about yourself and call you out. not those who will lie to you and let you make an ass out of yourself. (great friends let you make an ass out of yourself and then tell you all about it. See Matthew Slayter for further details).

How to deal with Cheaters- Just listen to irreplaceable by Beyonce. says it all. or Pull an XXXXXXXXXXXXXX and burn his/her shit in a bonfire and send em a pic. The XXXXXXXXXX approach works well too, send their ass a text saying its over then go have soul.southern  food with your friends.

Hopefully this has been a help. I certainly know I feel better and to the person who "inspired" me to write this, I hope you realize that I'm now finally and completely done with the situation you've had me in. we can be friends but that part is GETTING THE BOOT!! (did I just air my dirty laundry?? lol couldn't resist)

Love,

XXXXXXXXXXX

26 days...

Once again, I am sitting in the library, and blogging when I should be finishing a paper. And with 26 days left in this beautiful city that I have come to love, here are my thoughts:

Going home/back to TCU may be the most bitter-sweet moment of my life. I really, really, REALLY love this city and the people here, and have come to the conclusion that if I had a steady job, I could easily live here. Sure its really crowded and sometimes that gets to you, but there's always ways to escape the crowds for a few sweet moments. And culturally, I belong here, and fit in so much better than I do at home. But thats not to say that I don't miss things. In particular: My car and driving, my dogs, my friends and family, having money, being in theatre, and video games. Yet if I had the option to stay.... it would be a really hard decision.

I love people's attitude about body image here. It just doesn't matter nearly as much here as it does in the States! People pay just as much attention to their clothes and fashion (which is fantastic), but as far as their actual body goes, its just not a big deal! There are very few gyms here, and the ones that are here are pretty tiny. Very few tanning salons. In fact, the girls who are tan stick out and just look ridiculous! Even more so than they do in the States because here they're few and far between. The stigma to have the perfect body just isn't here.
That being said: I CANNOT WAIT TO GET BACK TO THE GYM, if for no other reason than to have some sort of physical outlet! There is no room here for physical activity unless you go to the park or something. But I was dumb and didn't bring running shoes, and therefore get no physical activity other than walking. A few years ago, I could have cared less. But the me that has developed over the past year or so, especially over this past summer, is dying for some kind of physical activity and the feeling of well-being that comes with it. Because really, when you take care of yourself physically, you feel so much better about yourself.

Speaking of bodies and that kind of thing, here's something that the States can learn from the Brits: Eating habits. America is Fat. Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. You know why? FUCKING MCDONALD'S, WENDY'S, TACO BELL, AND KFC. Now, they have McDonald's and KFC here and they're moderately popular. But the biggest food chain here, by far, is called Pret a Manger (French for Ready to Eat). They are EVERYWHERE. Like, you can't walk 5 minutes without coming across 3 of them. And I'm really not exaggerating. But you know what they sell? Pre-made sandwiches, salads, paninis, wraps, fruit cups, and coffee. And its really good! And cheap! They only have 2 types of soft drinks: Coke, and Diet coke, and I never see people buy them. Ever. Its always either water, coffee, or tea. America... do you know how many callories you could save if you ate this every day instead of the fast food shit that we eat??? Laura and I keep saying that we are going to open a Pret with a drive through window at home and make a killing.

School is actually picking up here towards the end. I'll have a lot due between now and January 6th. I've only gotten two grades here so far: An A+ and a B, which is quite exciting. But in general, school here is really easy. Like, REALLY easy. Maybe its because i'm taking freshman level classes? But even so, I feel like my freshman classes at home were a lot harder than they are here. Oh, and did I mention that I only go to class on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and I only to each class once a week? Baller.
I like 3 out of 4 of my classes. My sociology class is really interesting as is my History of Victorian London class. I'm also taking a class called Art and Society where we go to lecture for the first hour, then go to museums for the second part of class. Badass, right? Yep. Totally. My theatre class however.... is cool in some respects. We were required to see a lot of good shows that I would have never seen on my own. But the last few shows we've had to see for that class have been absolute crap. Like, BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD. And my teacher is an absolute idiot in every single way. I hate her. She hates me (I think). But I think she's just jealous that Laura and I know more about theatre than she does. So whatever. She got mad because I hadn't started the paper for her class A MONTH before it was due. This paper is only 2000 words! Why on earth would I start it that soon???

There is a little Asian girl that keeps running through the library past me. Literally, running. Back and Forth. Chill out little Asian girl!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and while it wont be the traditional thanksgiving, I'm still pretty pumped. A few of us in our hall are going to have a feast. My contribution? The Stove Top Stuffing that my parents shipped me (THANKS!), possibly sweet potato casserole (Mom, can you e-mail me your recipe?), and then a recipe I found on the internet for BAILEY'S CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE. Om nom nom nom nom. But since its thanksgiving, I'll list a few things I'm thankful for:
Eternally grateful to my parents for letting me come here and helping me out of the financial side of things. Even though I worked my ass of this summer, I never would have been able to afford this on my own. Thanks!
I'm thankful for great friends. Annie and Andrew came into town this past weekend to see Harry Potter and for a few other activities (Hyde park, Harrods, etc.), and seeing them always reminds me that I have some incredible friends both here with me, and at home.

We went on a pilgrimage to Mecca... I mean Platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station.

Notice the poster above us. We're running from the Death Eaters in our custom made shirts.

I'm obviously thankful for this opportunity. I've always thought that God can put people exactly where they need to be at any given time if they cooperate, and I know that right now, I am exactly where I need to be, school-wise, career-wise, London-wise...
And I'm thankful for the people that I've met here. I'm very rarely without something to do or people to hang out with. I ended up with an awesome roommate who I get along with great, even if he does steal my chocolate. Bitch.

And on that note, I should actually get back to this paper. Edit, reference, bibliograph (yep, just turned bibliography into a verb), print, turn in. Bam.

Sorry this post was kinda boring. I'll be sure to blog about more exciting things next time.

...I'm gonna be sad to go. But in the interest of my rising credit card balance, I think its for the best. See you in 26 days!

Thirsty Thursday.

If you're friends with me on facebook, then you already know that Laura, Myself, and a few other people attended the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows red carpet WORLD PREMIERE this past Thursday. Now, many people have asked, "How did you get tickets??? Did you see the movie???" Well, no we didn't have tickets, and no we didn't get to see the movie. But it was still AWESOME.

Basically, the premiere took place in Leicester Square, which is big place for nightlife, restaurants, movies, etc. I went there straight after class and met up with our friend Devon, and explored the area a bit. Because I didn't get there until about 4:15pm, there was no hope of getting a good spot. So we were shoved up against fences, peeking inbetween media vans trying to get the smallest glimpse of what was going on. And we did! Not only did we get to see the trailer for the movie on a jumbotron about 16 bagillion times, but we briefly (and I mean VERY briefly) got to see Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, the Weasly twins, Ginny Weasly, Cho Chang, Luna Lovegood, Professor Flitwick... And Zach Effron? Well, Devon swears she saw Zach Effron. I'm not so sure. But the entire time the girls were screaming at the stars, whilst I laughed at them and snapped some very blurry photos, which are up on facebook.

Now this next story may contain some questionable material, depending on what you define as questionable. But its pretty entertaining nonetheless.

After the premiere, we went back to the dorm, and I was bored. Real bored. And real broke. And everyone is off doing something else. Now up until now, we've all gone out in groups, and the only pubs/clubs that I had been to with people were straight ones. I've been here for almost 8 weeks and the only gay bar I've been to was the one we went to in Dublin for Halloween, which was awesome, but I had yet to check out the gay scene in London! And I wanted to go to a gay pub, dammit! So, I decided to go to the one and only gay pub in Chelsea (the neighborhood where I live).

Here is my inner monologue at this point: "I really wanna go, but I'm broke. I really shouldn't go. But I'm soooo bored! And I have to take out money for next weekend anyway. I can just take it out now, and pull out 10 pounds for tonight. No, I really shouldn't. Oh well, screw it I'm doing it! .... But I'll be going alone and will look super lame by myself at the pub. So? Should I take a book? Seriously Matt, you're going to take a book and read by youself at a pub? What is wrong with you? Ok, no book, but I'll take my iphone and play games. Yeah... that's a lot better. I am probably the lamest person ever. Oh well. I really shouldn't go. I'm going."

So off I go to a pub called, appropriately enough, The Queen's Head. I walk in and order a Guinness, and the bartender was super nice, and kept saying things like "Anything for you, young man". I couldn't tell if he was creepily hitting on me (He was like, 50) or just being polite. So I grab my drink and sit in a corner, and start reading a book on my iphone.

The pub was pretty nice, with a really relaxed atmosphere, and it wasn't super crowded like many of the other pubs in Chelsea. As I'm "reading", I'm eavsedropping on other conversations, which were pretty amusing. But as I finish my first pint, I again think of how lame I look sitting in the corner by myself. So I finish, and think to myself "Should I just go home? Or should I stay for another pint and try to be social and intrude on someone's conversation?" Of course, I stayed for one more. However, this time I didn't retreat to my cozy little corner with my beer, but instead I stayed at the bar, standing between a guy flipping coasters (or beer mats as they called them) and trying to catch them in the air, with another man watching and making fun of his lack of skill.

After failing to catch his coasters too many times, the guy on my left introduced himself as Beckett. Easy enough to remember, I figured, because its like Samuel Beckett. He's about 5'2" at the most, and looked to be in his late twenties. The guy on my right.... oh man. The guy on my right was about 50 years old, had multiple piercings in each ear, and obviously did WAY too many drugs in his younger years. I can't remember his name for the life of me, but if you took Austin Powers and Jack Sparrow and combined them, then turned that character into a real person... That was this man. We'll call him Crazy Old Dude. So the three of us start talking, and of course as soon as I open my mouth they realize I'm a Yank (Well, crazy old dude thinks I'm from Canada). So I explain that I'm from Texas ("But you don't have that southern drawl???" Cue British imitations of a Texas accent) and I'm here for the semester, and the bartender gets interested and starts talking to us as well. "So what, you don't have anything better to do on a Thursday night than check out the local gay pubs???" he asks? So I explain to him that my roommate needed the room for a bit (the lame excuse that I came up with while walking there) and that I had yet to go to a gay pub in London. At this point, I had finished pint #2, and he asks if I'd like another. I respectfully decline, thinking of my limited finances, and he replies with "Ah, you Yanks are a bunch of lightweights aren't ya?"

WAS THAT A CHALLENGE????? Bitch, get me another beer.

So Beckett, Crazy Old Dude and I continue talking about a bunch of nothing. Most of what Crazy Old Dude is saying isn't making ANY sense at all, filled with random stories that involved getting arrested in Thailand for driving on the wrong side of the road, and getting into a fight with Micky, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy. ("You can always tell when a Yank has been to Florida..." ...WHAT???). I smiled and laughed in what I hoped were the appropriate places, and when Crazy Old Dude (I'll simply refer to him from now on as COD) went to the gents room to relieve himself, I turned to Beckett and said "This dude is fucking nuts!"
"Oh My God, I'm so glad you said that. I saw you laughing and smiling and I thought you knew what was going on." Beckett said.
"NO! I'm just faking it!"

Soon enough, the bell rings, signaling the closing of the bar. I wasn't quite ready to go home yet, considering it was only 11pm, and I could tell the others weren't either. COD suggests that we go to a place called "The Stag" which was kinda close, but we'd still have to take a cab. "I don't know" I said, "I really shouldn't be spending any more money tonight." Watch. me. work. "Thats ok, I'll pay for the cab, both of your covers and your first drinks!". Beckett and I glance at each other... Done. Beckett leans over and says "I think we should stick together. Because who knows where this guy is taking us. He's bonkers." And I agreed.

Now, real quick, lets sum up this situation. I'm by meself at a gay pub, and am about to hop into a taxi with 2 guys who I just met, one of whom is certifiably insane. Is this the best decision I've ever made? Probably not. But I didn't come to London to sit on my arse and not meet people and do crazy things. So, here we go.

As promised, COD payed for the cab, mine and Beckett's cover, and our first pints (which is actually pint number four for me that evening, but who's counting?). The place was another gay bar that was open later. The cool thing about this one was that it had a second floor which, according to COD, is where they have fringe theatre! Sweet! Nothing was playing that night, but I made a mental note to come back.

In case you didn't know this about me, I am TERRIBLE with names. And true to Slayter form, I had already forgotten both of these guys names. Now, there was no hope in recovering COD's name from my memory's database. BUT! I remembered details about Beckett's name.

Cue frantic text to Laura.
Me: This is important. American playwrights whose last names begin with B. Go.
Laura: Eric Bagosian?
Me: Fail.
Laura: Wait, what?

Luckily, he repeated his name at one point and the day was saved. Because I got game, I got another free drink that night. (Pint #5), and was offered another one after that, but considering the situation, I knew that probably wasn't a good idea. Fun fact: Beckett was a theatre major, does costume design and acts, his father designs aircrafts for BAE, and his mother teaches at a primary school. We're practically the same person. Is that weird or what??? We both have similar takes on religion, politics, movies, etc. At one point we were talking about having to watch subtitles on movies, and I said "Do you know the movie A Clockwork Orange? That's the first movie that I saw that was in English, but I still needed subtitles" And he replied, "Yeah, I just designed costumes for that show!" Weird similarities like this kept popping up all night. Great guy.

I guess the point of this epicly long story is that this was yet another crazy, impulsive, probably bad decision, but it turned out to be a great one. I "bonded with the locals" as the bartender put it, and made new friends, and had a really fun night that I would have never had if I had not grown a pair and decided to spend money that I probably shouldn't have spent and decided that it was ok to be a loner at the local gay pub.

Tonight, Laura and I are going to see "An Ideal Husband" by Oscar Wilde. Score.